he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
birth control should be required to get into college
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
