He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
