i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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