Betty ford says i'm here all night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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