Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm passing your future prison.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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