Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
