today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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