In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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