Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
