if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
