I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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