Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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