if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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