Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
