It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
