Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
