all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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