I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
