After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
