There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
