she was so not down for the gang bang
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
