the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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