Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
