does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
