I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
