I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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