i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
