i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
