Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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