Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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