Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
