absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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