i think my mom watched the whole time
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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