i was born a porn star she said
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
