He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
