the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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