hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
