I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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