I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We are all done wearing pants today
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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