and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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