He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
