when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
