I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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