He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
