Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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