And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
