Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
