I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mom said you looked used
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes