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• (775): View more from Nevada

  My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Why didn't I see you last night!?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn

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• (904): View more from Florida

  You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"

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• (858): View more from California

  He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'

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• (925): View more from California

  I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?

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• (646): View more from New York

  Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.

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