Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.