i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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