i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.