i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?