If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.