I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
