We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he puts the penis in happiness.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
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