Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
