so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
