I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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