Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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