I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
