New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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