I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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