You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize