He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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