Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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