is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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