tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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