i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
